2020 – A new decade, a clean slate, a sense of hope as the end of one year draws to a close. For many, at the start of 2020 we would have dreamed of a prosperous year & new beginnings. No one anticipated that the world as we know it would be turned upside down.
We have grown accustomed to a life where everything comes easy to us, we take everything for granted & this year has thrown us.
I’m still trying to get my head around this pandemic & adjust to life indoors. We feel so unified as a nation, yet so isolated. Being apart from all of our nearest & dearest but knowing we are all going through this situation together. We are all experiencing good & bad days during this time & that’s okay! We all want to know when life will return to normal again but truth is we don’t know so all we can do is adapt to our current situation as best we can.
Everyone will have a story to tell after this & it’s strange to think we are living in a time which will be someone’s history lesson one day. But this so far is how I am coping indoors with my quaranteam..
If I was to tell you that being in lockdown with a baby & a toddler was a walk in the park, I would be lying. The truth is, I think this has been the hardest challenge I’ve faced as a parent. I have felt every single emotion, yet felt completely deflated & almost emotionless. Never did I expect whilst I was 10 weeks into my little baby bubble with Arlo it would be the start of a very unusual maternity leave.
Some days I have so much energy, lots planned for the children to keep them occupied & I feel invincible – I’ve got motherhood nailed! I start the day with a nice nutritious breakfast for all the family, followed by P.E with Joe Wicks (if you’ve tried this with a 2 year old you will realise it’s an interesting experience which results in your 2 year old is straddling you whilst you do all the exercises alone), the day is filled with crafts & baking, a daily stroll to the park or woods, Arlo goes down for his daily naps like a dream, we laugh & play with the children all day & I feel so grateful for this time as a family, I’ve got the zest back for cooking & I’m experimenting in the kitchen whilst my husband gets the children bathed & ready for bed – life is good!
Then there are the days I face after a sleepless night & my husband has to return to work, all I want to do is stay in my pyjamas all day & drink copious amounts of coffee just to get enough energy to make the days family meals, I clock watch counting the hours until bedtime. This is when I miss my family & friends most, I feel heartbroken that my family can’t watch my children grow, especially as they change so much when they are young. There is no counting on family to help you have a quick power nap to recharge. The ‘to do’ list is never ending & it doesn’t even get a look in on these occasions! Mum guilt kicks in badly on these days, especially when you see other Mothers sharing their daily activities with their children – you question yourself, what am I doing wrong? Why isn’t my baby sleeping well at night? Why haven’t I been able to conjure up the energy & come up with all these fantastic ideas like other Mums to entertain my toddler?
I am slowly coming round to the idea that these days are okay, they are normal. We all face them as mothers & certainly during this pandemic they are bound to happen. Unfortunately, we live in a world where everyone puts on an exterior façade that their lives are somewhat perfect 24/7. We believe that should we suggest otherwise we will look as though we are failing as a Mum, we can’t cope, we are scared to share honest stories in case we are judged. Focusing on this can sometimes have a huge impact on how we feel, so it’s important to remember that behind every ‘perfect’ Instagram post that there is probably a toddler throwing an EPIC tantrum because their Mum cut their sandwich into squares & not triangles! That being said their are so many Mamas out there that are super supportive & open with their motherhood journeys, you Mum’s are a breath of fresh air! These may be some of your best friends, family – sometimes even strangers! Motherhood does tend to bring a community together, a Mum Tribe!
All that truly matters during this time is that we keep our children safe, we protect our loved ones, we help to do our bit to stop the spread of this horrific disease, the quicker we listen, take a step back from life as we know it the better. All our children need from us is to feel safe & loved, they need us to hold it together for them. Nothing else matters. So if you are spending your day not doing much other than sitting cuddling up with the kids watching Disney Plus then so be it, sometimes we all need a day like that!
Each day in quarantine can be emotionally draining, listening to negative news, hearing everyone’s opinions & theories – a complete coronacoaster! I usually feel particularly bad when we are approaching new government guidelines, the uncertainty always seems to affect me. When we are having an off day it is also important to switch off from the news or social media as much as possible. We all need to learn to be a bit kinder to ourselves & focus on the positives , otherwise we will all go a little crazy!
Now the world has slowed down it’s the little things I am truly grateful for, the small acts of kindness, the peacefulness of daily strolls without the sound of constant traffic, finally hearing the birds sing, the morning cuddles & slow starts have been bliss (as well as needed), no rushing to get Leo to nursery, finally having the opportunity to experiment in the kitchen a little more, I am more conscious of food waste & appreciative for the delivery drivers, the postman, the shopkeepers, the policeman & of course our wonderful NHS! I have two beautiful children & a great husband – who picks me up when ever I have an off day, a supportive network of friends & family around us that check in with a phone or videocall & offer to pick up items for us we have been unable to get. The weather has definitely improved the mood in our house & days spent in the garden playing in the sunshine has been just what we’ve needed. I truly believe after this pandemic we will all have a greater sense of gratitude.
Having my two boys as my quarantine buddies has kept me sane as well as pushed me to my limits. But all I have to do is look as Arlo’s big beaming smile or hear Leo’s cheeky laugh & everything is perfect again! There is no right or wrong way to spend your time during lockdown, so if you haven’t run 5k, learnt a new skill or even baked it doesn’t matter! It’s okay not to feel okay, everyday is a new day. To all the Mamas out there who are feeling the same as me during this strange time, remember you’ve got this & your children will certainly pick you up again!
